November 10th 2009: No one ever said it would be easy

If you are friends with my on facebook, then you have probably read a number of recent status updates that voice frustration over going ons with Greyson. We've had two areas that are beyond frustrating for us. One is a change that happened with daddy's return home. It is a bit of possession over Ben. Wanting me to go away so that only they are together. Not being as nice to me. I GET this. As frustrating and as hurtful as it may feel for me, I know that he is dealing with feelings about Ben's absence and return. I can't imagine how hard it is for a 3 year old to process these kinds of feelings. I try my darndest to approach these situations with sensitivity. Though at times, depending on how I am feeling, how tired I am, it can be difficult.

The other issue that came up is Greyson just plain not listening to me/following directions. The simplest of tasks (putting his toys in his room, getting his pants on so we can leave the house) were turning in to the biggest battles. I was having a bad day everyday. I was yelling more than I ever had and more than I wanted to. I was distraught, sad, angry and worst of all I dreaded spending time with Grey.

As much as I wanted to avoid using Time Outs in our home, I knew that something needed to change. I contacted some of my AP mama friends who have given my some excellent resources that I plan to read up on. However, in the meantime I needed to do something to keep myself from constantly being at my whits end.

I found a time out solution that centered on remaining calm. Asking for what you want, if it doesn't get done, let the child know that they will get a time out. No yelling, less frustration.

I did exactly 4 time outs with Grey over the course of 2 days. 12 minutes total in time out. For the last couple of days i have had very little battles with him and have had no time outs. I've also been giving a ton of praise for being so cooperative, letting him know how much I have appreciated him being helpful and have ended our days telling him how happy I am that we've had such a fun day together.

I feel SO thankful. 4 days ago I was laying in my bed crying. I felt dark and heavy and burdened. I found myself questioning the flutter bee inside my belly. I doubted my ability to handle more than one child. Now, I feel almost the opposite. I feel lighter and happier.

I'm still ordering some of the reading material that my friends have sent me links to. I would like to find a better, more sensitive and nurturing way to deal with G and his stubborness and unwillingness to cooperate. I do believe in the behaviour being a symptom of a need not being met and would like to learn to deal with it that way. I'll be reading up on AP in toddlerhood. It took the last frustrating week for me to realize that I had only read material on Attachment Parenting in infancy!

November 10th 2009:

Random Greysonness:

~ As we passed by a horse ranch: "Ooooh a horse! I love horses. I love animals. I love ducks, i love horses, I love lions. Oh no, I think Lions will make me sick. Oh! are we at an animal zoo?" (unfortunately, we were not.)

~ He has recently decided that he likes his waffles frozen and his baths cold.

~ He loves singing the songs that he has learned from our toddler class, though he wont actually sing along IN class.

~ At the park yesterday he made some friends. He used to be so shy. I love seeing him go up to other kids, introduce himself and start playing. He always points to me and says "And that is my mama over there..."

~ He also does "drive by introductions". He'll pass by a kiddo at the park and say, "Hi i'm greyson." If they don't respond he says, "Oh, he's too shy."

November 10th 2009: A conversation

I have found in the last year or so that I have had several conversations with Grey that really just shocked the hell out of me. Phrases I never ever imagined myself uttering. Most having to do with penis or poops.

This was a recent one. Here is the scene. Grey has just gone potty. He is standing on his step stool, hands having been freshly washed. I'm exasperated over the events that just transpired.

Mommy ~ You CAN'T touch your butthole while you're pooping!

Grey ~ I can't?

M ~ No, it's gross.

G ~ It's gross?

M ~ Yes, you'll get poop on your fingers...again!

G ~ What did you just say about my fingers?

As the words are leaving my mouth, I can not effing believe it. WHO has conversations like this??? Apparently, moms do.

October 30th 2009: Grey's first lie

Today Grey told his first lie.

I came into the office to find him watching Pocoyo on Daddy's computer. I said, "Grey!? what are you doing?"

Ben said, "He said you said he could watch it."

TOTAL LIE! He's playin' us like a couple of fools!

Again, he is just too clever.

October, 30th 2009: Grey's first joke

I think G may have told his first joke tonight.

My friend Kelly calls Greyson, "G Money". Sometimes he says, "No, i'm not G money!" and sometimes he likes it.

Tonight she and a few friends were over. I was in the kitchen and Grey came up to me and asked him to get his quarters out of his pocket.

Then he ran to the other room where Kelly was and showed her the quarters saying, "Look Kelly, I'm G Money!"

HA! Clever little monkey!

October 27th 2009: Red Dye #40

This will be redundant for those of my readers who also read my posts on my local mommy message board. Sorry about that!

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Yesterday was a super stressful day for me. Grey was just *not* himself. He started crying and being pissy the moment he woke up and it just got worse all day. Screaming/crying in a restaurant, Running off in the parking lot then screaming and kicking when i picked him up to take him to the car. When we got home nothing made him happy and he cried/had tantrums for nearly 4 hours. He was being so irrational. I took a bath to try to relax while leaving daddy in charge and when i got out he threw another tantrum because he wanted me to have another bath.Anyone who knows G knows that he is usually really mellow. Of course he has tantrums and difficulties like any 3 year old, but this was insane.

It didn't feel like G was just having a bad day or being sensitive. It was like his personality had completely changed. It was scary!

I posted about it on facebook and a friend suggested that he might have an intolerance to Red Dye #40. Most of the food that we buy is all natural, has no dyes, so he definitely is not exposed to food dyes often.

Lo and behold, the night before he had had gummy worms as a treat (because I was craving them) which contained both Red #40 and Yellow #5.

I did some googling and found a ton of stories from mom's who have kids that are sensitive to Red #40. Their descriptions of the behaviour problems that they have when their child has foods with this dye in it were just like I had experienced. It was scary how similar the stories were.

Today I have my sweet, mellow little boy back. I am SO thankful that my friend made that suggestion so that I can now avoid the food additive! So, I just wanted to pass the info on. Thanks for reading and sorry to be so long winded

October 27th 2009: Some recent Greyson funnies

Grey is laying on my bed facing the window, watching the TVs reflection (instead of the TV) and wearing my purse around his waist. I love that little weirdo.

Me: "remember last night when you were screaming and crying because you didn't want to go to sleep?"
Grey: "Screamin' and cryin'? No! I didn't do that!"

I love listening to Grey count in spanish and that he says "guno" instead of uno. I also love him counting in desire..."One, Two, Milk, Juice."

Last night Grey threw a massive fit when i said it was time for bed. I wouldn't let him leave the room so that he wouldn't wake up Erin. He decided he wanted to call daddy, who was out in the garage. He ended up falling asleep with my phone up to his ear waiting for daddy to answer.

Yesterday I found Grey having his first tea party, with Muno, one of his dolls. When I went to take a picture he knocked Muno's chair over and ended the party.

Grey uses his magic wand to summon milk...but he gets the spell wrong and comes up creamed spinach. Oooops.

and here are some recent pictures

October 15th 2009: NT Scan

12 weeks, 3 days

Today Beniko and I headed to Oakland for my Nuchal Translucency Scan.

From Baby Center:

"This prenatal test (also called the NT or nuchal fold scan) can help your healthcare practitioner assess your baby's risk of having Down syndrome (DS) and some other chromosomal abnormalities as well as major congenital heart problems."

The scan went well. Bee has a 1 in 30,000 chance of having Downs Syndrome and a 1 in 100,000 chance of having Trisomy 18. These are great odds and means we don't have to do any further testing for these chromosomal issues. Although I know that Downs is not a genetic disorder whose inheritance can be traced through families, the fact that grandmother gave birth to my Downs Syndrome uncle at the age of 18 has always concerned me. I could rationally tell myself that I needn't be concerned, but the concern was still there. I am not always rational.

We got a few pictures today. None are all that thrilling. Here is a shot of Bee's face :)



This is what is commonly known as the "skeletor" face. One person suggested he/she looks like predator. I can also see a cartoon character, you know the one...evil doctor with it's brain exposed? I can not for the life of me remember what cartoon that is from. My favourite thing that I see in Bee's face is an upside down Mandalorian Symbol. Maybe we should name Bee after a Mandalorian , like Beviin, Mirta, or Ailyn ;)

October 2nd 2009 - Blog Challenge #1

Recently, a mother in my mom's group came up with the idea of having some blogging challenges. She was feeling that her blog had become a place where she was only dumping photos and that she was having a serious case of blogger block.

This weeks blogging prompt: "Why do you blog?"

I have always thought that the idea of having a diary or journal was a very romantic and magical notion. That I would be 70 and look back over decades worth of beautifully bound, handwritten journals, full of stories from my life. When I actually started writing in paper journals, I made a couple of realizations. 1. I hate my handwriting. 2. I tended to be obsessive. I would write everywhere and when i looked back on those writings i did not like what I was writing. Maybe it was who i was at the time. But mostly it was negativity and jealousy driven.

Around 10 years ago I discovered some online communities that were blogging based. Iam.bmezine, which was a website dedicated to body modification. Each person has their own little homepage, with blog. There were "forums" kind of like message boards. This was my first taste of social networking. I kept a blog there from 2001 to 2008. Through this community i met a number of amazing women. This online community is where I spent my first pregnancy and met some of the greatest mothers that I know. I was blogging there to document my life. So that when I am 70 I can scroll back through pages of digital writings full of stories of my life. I was blogging to make connections. To gain opinions and insights from the women i had met who have shaped so much of what I have become as a mother.

In 2006 I started this blog. My main goal with the blog was to keep family and friends informed with what was going on with my pregnancy and with Greyson. For a long time this was a dumping ground for pictures. I realize that i missed out on documenting some very important events, like Grey's first birthday. My goal in blogging was to be able to remember all of this time. I remember my mom telling me that I used to say the funniest things when i was little...but that she couldn't remember any of it. THIS is why I blog. So that I will remember. And because I love to share it. Even if I was the only person who read the blog, I'm sure that I'll be happy to have all of this documentation. I don't NEED validation, but when people tell me that they love "Greysonism" or they love reading stories about him, it does make me feel good. Not only that he is so well loved, but because we've been able to put a smile on someones face.

September 25th 2009 - Baby Bee's Heartbeat

9 weeks, 5 days


Today I got to see the baby's heart beat for the first time. This was my first real appointment with my NP. We did an ultra sound, got to see Bee. He/she looks like Dry Bones the Koopa from Super Mario.

i was so happy to hear the heart beat, I was very scared that I might not :( I was sad though that Ben was not able to be with me. My friend Kelly came along for support, which was much appreciated and only a teeny bit awkward ;)

Here is Bee's first photo. And a video of the heart beat.

September 22nd 2009: This Friday

This Friday I will be heading in for my first real doctors appointment. I'm super sad that Beniko wont be home for this, but I'm hoping to take video for him. Kelly, my sister wife, will be coming with me for support.

I'm so so so excited to finally see Baby Bee. And hear a heart beat!

I can't believe it is still going to be over 2 more months until we can find out he gender. I am having very strong girl vibes this time around. I'm thinking of Baby Bee as a girl, calling it "her". I know I should stop that, in case she is a boy...but it is hard! I've also been focusing on girl names. Ben and I are having a difficult time naming this kiddo!

If you'll look to the right of the page, i've set up a fun little poll. Guess what gender out baby will be!!!

September 22nd 2009: How I am feeling

9 weeks, 2 days.

Last time I posted I was feeling nauseous but was still able to eat. The tables quickly turned! I got much worse and was very unhappy. Remember how one of my goals was to not complain too much? Yeah, that went right out the window. Or, down the toilet.

I was nauseous most of the day. I would eat small meals, mostly carbs, drink 7up and lay around a LOT. I spent most of my day in bed while Grey got better acquainted with my computer and the "learn to read" games my sister had found. I cried and cried, feeling guilty for this.

Nausea would get worse and about once an hour I would get an overwhelming urge to throw up. I would dry heave over the toilet and eventually would expel maybe a table spoon of food. This would lead to horrible tension headaches from the dry heaving. I'd still feel sick and end up back in bed. I was in bad shape. Again, the guilt of not interacting with Grey only made it all so much worse. Add to that the fact that daddy was not here to offer relief in the evenings or to let me go to bed early. It made for quite a long few weeks.

I tried everything to quell my nausea. 7up, ginger ale, sea bands, preggie pops, protein. Finally, when I started asking questions about medication, several women on my online community of moms suggested I try B6 vitamins.

POOF! Like magic I am feeling better! I am so relieved and happy. Being able to interact with Grey with out running to the bathroom every 30 minutes or just generally feeling like i'm going to flip out. Of course, i am still getting the 1st trimester "oh my god i'm so tired I might pass out at any second" moments late in the day...which with a kiddo who doesn't nap can be difficult. I'm just using that time for quiet time or movie time in the bedroom.

There are still certain foods that will make me throw up if I think about them. I'm having a huge poultry aversion right now. Which stems from a turkey sandwich i ate at Libby's birth and then later revisited in my bathroom. I could probably eat asparagus until the end of time though. Especially when Billy Bar-B-ques it. Yummmmmmy. and Nachos, go figure.

A huge huge thank you to my Mommy who has kept me sane through all of this and has given me much needed breaks. She even did my laundry for me. and my dishes and cleaned my kitchen. I was quite a wreck, but would have been even more of a wreck without her.